It should get easier, shouldn’t it, letting our children move on to the next step — the next stage — in their lives?

It never does, does it? Dropping the little one at daycare for the first time. Walking out of the kindergarten classroom. Seeing a child enter middle school, high school, college. Standing by as they enter the job market or the military. An overseas deployment. A move to another part of the country or the world.

It isn’t that you don’t want that child to grow in wisdom, age and grace. It’s just that ...

Just that what?

Sometimes we’re so busy parenting, we fail to notice that our child is changing, is, in so many ways, becoming a different person. Day to day, we aren’t as likely to see it. It’s at those dramatic moments, those milestones, that the transformation is startling. It suddenly becomes clear we no longer have a preschooler.

Yes, those early years had their challenges and, yes, we looked forward to that little one heading off to school for a half day — then a full day! — but when that first school year actually begins — it’s then we realize the preschooler is gone.

And we loved that preschooler. Just as we loved that infant. Then that toddler. Just as, a few years down the road, we’ll love that middle-schooler. That high-schooler. That college student. That young adult. (And, as some older seniors will tell you, eventually that middle-ager who has become eligible for AARP, senior discounts and Social Security. Don’t say you weren’t warned!)

Loving and letting go is at the heart of parenting. We love who they were. We love who they are. We love who they will be. We treasure all three.

It Can Happen in Any Family

A friend of ours who is a parish director of religious education says one of her favorite stories in the Gospels is Mary and Joseph losing Jesus after a visit to Jerusalem. After three days (three days!), they find him in the Temple (Lk 2:41-52).

Mom: “Son, why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety.”

Child: “Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?”

“There you have proof,” our friend maintains, “even in the very best of families, things get mixed up. And messed up. If it happens in the Holy Family, you can be sure it’s going to happen in yours.”

Sometimes it’s our children who remind us they’re growing up. They really are old enough to do this or that. But other times, it’s a mom or dad who has to point out to that child — or teen — that he or she isn’t quite that old yet.

The opposite can happen, too. A parent may need to do a little prodding to get a son or daughter to take the next step. That could be one very loose interpretation of the story of the wedding feast at Cana (Jn 2:1-12). The sandal was on the other foot there! It was Mary who nudged Jesus to perform his first public miracle.

On the Web

Dr. James Dobson quotes humorist Erma Bombeck on letting children go at www.focusonyourchild.com/relation/art1/A0000574.html.

Bill and Monica Dodds are the founders of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver and editors of My Daily Visitor magazine.