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Caregiving Is Pro-Life
If you’re a family caregiver, it may never have occurred to you that caregiving is pro-life. Your compassion, dedication, and hard work are testimonies to the value of human life.
There is a spiritual component to the vocation of caregiving but there are also the nitty-gritty details. We’ve learned that while every situation is unique, there are common, basic issues for both the caregiver and the care-receiver.
The stress of caregiving can unleash a torrent of unexpected emotions and bring challenges that often have no clear solutions.
A support group or good friend where you can “dump” some of that anger can be of invaluable assistance.
It helps to realize that no matter what you do – no matter how much or how little – you are likely to feel guilty.
Remember that you’re not perfect.
Know that you can set limits. Don’t wait for a crisis to arise before getting supplemental help.
Exhaustion is more than just being tired.
It’s being tired for weeks, being tired for months.
Don’t deny the problem. Admit that being exhausted isn’t good for you personally or for you as a caregiver. An exhausted caregiver can’t be a good caregiver.
Give yourself a tiny break. A minute or two. Go into the bathroom, shut the door and wash your face with cool water. Taking a day off may seem impossible, but you can take a one-minute break. Get help. Ask family members to assist. Look into respite care. Even a few hours once a week can help a lot. Consider joining a caregivers’ support group. Many caregivers find it extremely beneficial.
“Respite care” means a break for someone who is taking care of an ill person, a rest for the person primarily responsible for the well-being of another. A primary caregiver needs to take breaks or soon will burn out.
Admit that caregiving is a complicated experience.
Remember that the break is for you. Don’t fill the time running errands for the person in your care, going grocery shopping, getting the car fixed, and so on.
To find someone to help you with respite care, check with the local Catholic social service agency, ask at the parish or contact a local program. Ask for help from family members, fellow parishioners, friends, neighbors, the community, and social service professionals. Many people would like to help but don’t know what you need. Let them know specifically what they can do.
Your loved one values his or her independence and many decisions you and he or she make revolve around this key concept.
Encourage and allow independence. Don’t take over tasks or make decisions your loved one can still handle.
Quite often, what your loved one is feeling is a tremendous sense of loss – in so many areas. As a caregiver, you are helping your loved one cope with a succession of losses.
Usually the biggest loss of all is the death of a spouse. Grief involves a host of feelings. It’s commonly accepted there’s a “cycle of grief.”
Realize that as your loved one ages (or health deteriorates), he or she becomes unable to perform the everyday tasks that person used to love and may feel a part of his or her identity is being lost.
A role reversal (an adult child assuming some of the duties of an aging parent) or an assumption of new roles (taking over responsibilities formerly handled by one’s spouse) is rarely an easy transition.
Go slowly. Be gentle. Don’t suddenly charge in and take control. Start with small things. If at all possible, let your loved one still play a part.
Well Done, St. John’s
St. John’s University rightfully recognized two of its own this past week when it honored Public Safety Officer Dan Boylan and NYPD student cadet Christopher Benson for their roles in apprehending a lone gunman on campus the previous week. Each was presented the University’s President’s Medal by Father Donald Harrington, CM, president.
The President’s Medal is reserved for individuals who have achieved exceptional personal and professional success and rendered outstanding service to the St. John’s community.
The criteria fit these two gentlemen to a T. It was their quick action and bravery that apprehended the distraught young man who walked around the campus carrying a rifle. Fortunately no one was hurt.
Kudos also to the University itself for its quick alert system that sprang right into action when the danger on campus was recognized. All students and school personnel who had signed up for the free text messaging system were alerted that the school was moving into a lock-down mode. This notification helped keep students calm and kept them informed of the progress of the security measures that were taking place.
A tragedy such as happened last spring on the Virginia Tech campus was averted. Thankfully, we’ll never know how close we came to witnessing a copycat action. Surely, the courage of this week’s honorees and the school’s text messaging system played a significant part in arriving at a peaceful outcome.
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