I am part of the “sandwich generation,” young adults who divide their time between caring for children and aging parents. According to the American Association of Retired People, about 44% of Americans between the ages of 45 and 55 have aging parents or in-laws and children under age 21. I say we should add to that figure the older half of Gen X, those persons in their 30s and early 40s, because I’m not alone in straddling the care, to some extent, at least.

Many of these young adults give care from a distance.

According to AARP, out of the 34 million Americans providing support to an aging family member, five million of them do it from hundreds of miles away (the average distance being 450 miles). The editors provide seven steps to reduce stress in the commuting caregiver, and especially the sandwich caregiver:

Step One: Recognize your role. Since caregiving doesn’t necessarily mean cooking, cleaning and bathing, many remote caregivers don’t appreciate how much they are doing for a parent. Paying bills, scheduling appointments, preparing legal documents – all of those are major contributions.

Step Two: Call in a pro. Because a caretaker can’t usually manage everything herself, it’s important to call in the professionals whenever possible. If keeping your mom’s checkbook is becoming too overwhelming, hire a bookkeeper. Consider a geriatric caremanager – a nurse, social worker or gerontologist who assesses your parent’s situation, health and care, and then makes recommendations.

To find one, call a local agency on aging or contact the National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers (caremanager.org), AARP (aarp.org), the Family Caregiver Alliance (caregiver.org) or Eldercare (eldercare.gov).

Step Three: Form a nearby network. Get cozy with your dad’s friends and neighbors because they will be the first to notice symptoms of a health problem or any disturbing change. You might tell your dad that you’re going to do this, so he doesn’t think his friends and children are conspiring against him.

Step Four: Make the most of your visits. This seems pretty obvious, but it’s hard advice. It means packing everything into a few days: going to doctors’ appointments (so you can ask the doctor your questions), tasks like paying bills, laundry and shopping, but also fun activities, like catching a movie or paging through a photo album.

Step Five: Be a sympathetic sibling. This one’s hard because someone is always going to feel burdened by carrying the majority of the caregiving responsibilities. Divide the tasks as fairly as you can among your siblings.

Give the accountant your mom’s finances. Tell the comedian her job is to call mom twice a week to try to lift her spirits. If there’s a cook among you, she gets culinary tasks. And try to relieve the sister doing the bulk of the work as well as you can. Think creatively.

Step Six: Let go of guilt. AARP managing editor Melissa Gotthardt cites some studies regarding stress and caregiving: Harvard researchers found that caregivers experienced more than double the rates of depressive symptoms as non-caregivers, and according to a University of Washington study, less than half were getting enough sleep.

Many long-distance caregivers feel guilty for not being at Mom’s side. They should try to concentrate on everything they ARE doing for their parent.

Step Seven: Talk to your boss. According to AARP, approximately 70% of caregivers are employed. If you haven’t already talked to your boss, you should ask about leave-sharing, flex-time and telecommuting possibilities. You might also speak to human resources about the Family and Medical Leave Act.