On several occasions, relatives close to me have passed away close to the holiday season. Their deaths left gaps in traditional activities and a loss in my heart. At times I felt there was a cloud resting over my attempts to celebrate Christ’s birth. When I lifted up prayers of thanksgiving, they seemed colored with sorrow too.

But as difficult as it can be to reach heights of happiness in November and December, there are ways to bring our losses into spiritual and physical perspective. I offer these suggestions for you as my gift for a blessed holiday season of renewed faith and hope.

If this is your first holiday season without your loved one, it will be impossible to pretend the loss has not occurred. Don’t even try. Acknowledge the absence of your spouse, parent, child, sibling or friend. Cry, for tears can be wonderfully cleansing.

Often our loved ones played important roles in family traditions. Perhaps your grandfather carved the Christmas turkey. Perhaps your mother read Luke’s Gospel on Christmas Eve. These traditions need not cease when your loved one has passed away. In fact, it can be very healing to call upon the next generation to do the honors, explaining how special they are as you pass the carving knife or Bible into new hands.

At funeral Masses, we often light candles in memory of our departed loved ones. You can bring this remembrance home during the holidays by keeping a candle lit to commemorate your loved one.

Holidays are often times for telling stories. One of the most cathartic activities when mourning the loss of a loved one is to tell stories of his or her life — especially funny tales that make us laugh in spite of our grief.

When family and friends are gathered, invite them to tell their own stories, thus weaving together the present with the past and creating an oral history that can be passed down through the generations.

Exchanging gifts is a focal point of many holiday celebrations, and if a loved one has died, that ritual can continue in the form of donations or other acts of charity made in the loved one’s name.

Another way to handle gift giving is to present something of your loved one to others in the family or circle of friends. Even the smallest of tokens can reflect appreciation for those who remain.

People who have lost a loved one might not be fully ready to participate in all of the holiday season’s activities. If you are aching with loss, know that it is OK to spend time alone. But it is just as important to allow others to show you love and care.

If you know of someone who is mourning a loss, reach out in compassion and kindness, offering to visit one-on-one if group gatherings are too challenging for that person.

Let the person who has suffered a loss lead the conversation. Even encourage sitting in silence or prayer. Don’t feel as if you have to be a cheerleader or choir conductor at such a time; your presence is what is most important.

As Christians, we know that death is a part of life, and we believe in the resurrection. Still, it is human for us to feel sorrow when someone we love dies.

At this holiday season we can find ways to both acknowledge our grief and affirm our faith – showing others that the light shining over Bethlehem will never go out.