If you recently quit drinking – or if your No. 1 New Year’s resolution for 2008 is to quit – it may come as a surprise that friends and family who have been your “drinking buddies” are less than pleased with your decision.

It can be even more shocking and discouraging to realize that friends and family who aren’t your drinking buddies can refuse to support your decision or may try to minimize the fact that you have a drinking problem.

Needless to say, every individual has his or her particular circumstances and history. Sometimes, and especially over time, a person’s drinking has meant a series of DUIs, lost jobs, broken relationships, debt or worse.

Other times, it’s meant a series of those events to a lesser degree. There were one or two DUIs, jobs weren’t lost but promotions weren’t received, relationships weren’t broken but they have ceased to flourish or there are no staggering debts but there’s never quite enough money to get comfortably ahead.

So why the lack of support from those around you? A few points to consider:

• If you and I go out drinking every Friday night and we both have a dozen beers (or if, every day after work you and I come home and we each have five or six cocktails) and now you say you have a drinking problem and you’re not going to drink anymore, what does that say about me? What does that force me to consider about myself?

• If, among our gang of friends, you always drank the most, that meant I could assure myself “I’m OK. I don’t drink as much as she does.”

• If you decide you have to quit and I don’t want to quit, if I’m terrified at the thought of quitting, then one way to deal with that is to convince you that you don’t have to quit. Convince you that you don’t have a drinking problem. You just need “to cut back a little,” to switch from the hard stuff to wine, to stay home once in a while. But not quit because “you’re not an alcoholic!”

• If I’m a heavy drinker, I can feel very uncomfortable around nondrinkers, especially if that nondrinker is a former heavy drinker. I’m more aware of the number of drinks I’m having if you don’t have any, and so now you’re “no fun anymore.”

• As a family member, even one who wants you to cut back on your drinking, I may think your quitting entirely is going too far. Why? Because you can’t be an alcoholic. Our family doesn’t have those! Or it’s just a phase. Now, suddenly, you’re an alcoholic. (Last year for about a month you were a vegan.) Moderation, of course. But a champagne toast on New Year’s Eve or a bottle of wine at a nice dinner out isn’t going to hurt you. Don’t be silly. Don’t be a wet blanket and spoil my fun!

One final suggestion: Hang in there! Staying sober comes first. And it’s worth it.

On the Web: Advice for Families

The federal government’s Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration includes a section on its Web site for families. Go to: family.samhsa.gov.

Bill and Monica Dodds are the founders of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver and editors of My Daily Visitor magazine. Their Web site is www.FSJC.org. They can be contacted at MonicaDodds@YourAgingParent.com.